


what i've been looking for

by georgiehensley



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Episode Related, Episode: s01e04 Blocking, F/M, Feelings, Introspection, Past Relationship(s), Possibly Unrequited Love, Reflection, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:47:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21607813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/georgiehensley/pseuds/georgiehensley
Summary: ricky listens to "what i've been looking for" and reflects on his day/relationship with nini.
Relationships: Ricky Bowen/Nini Salazar-Roberts
Comments: 2
Kudos: 81





	what i've been looking for

**Author's Note:**

> this episode gave me ALL of the feels, so i naturally couldn't stop myself from writing a fic to get them all out. ricky deserves good things!!!
> 
> also, despite the fact that my other 3 (oh my god, i wrote 3 already?!) hsmtms fics are for rj, i'm actually a huge rini (rickini?) fan. i really hope they get back together by the end of the season.
> 
> oh, and i limited this to the reprise lyrics bc that's what ricky is listening to at the end of the episode (and those lyrics better fit ricky & nini's relationship).

as ricky hit play on the song, he let his eyes fall shut, and his mind go clear. he thought of nothing but the music playing in his ears and the lyrics running through his head. though, that sent his mind in a whole 'nother direction, one he really hadn't wanted to go in.

**_it's hard to believe_ **

**_that i couldn't see_ **

**_you were always there beside me_ **

in his head, he sees images of nini, all from their rehearsals of the show. when they were so close and yet so far apart. looking into each other's eyes, singing and acting like their characters, but with an invisible wall between them, preventing them from really feeling the same love and admiration that troy and gabriella feel for each other.

and then, whenever she'd run to ej at the end of every rehearsal - it hurt ricky in a way he couldn't possibly explain. like a deep, emotional pain. one that couldn't be healed by a band-aid or an ice pack or a cast. a pain that had to sizzle out on it's own like the flame of a candle, burning so hard and long before it's gone with the snap of your fingers.

it's a pain that had him wishing he had a time machine so he could go back and slap himself that one night when he froze like an icicle, unable to give nini the response she expected for her confession. if only he was able to say it back.

**_thought i was alone_ **

**_with no one to hold_ **

**_but you were always right beside me_ **

finding out about his parents' divorce, he felt so alone. like no one else in the world could possibly understand how he feels, or what he's going through.

and nini doesn't. she has two mothers who love each other - love  _ her _ \- more than words can say. and yet--

_ and yet _ .

nini still felt like the right person to go to in his time of need. he and big red, they didn't really do emotional stuff. they just kept distracted until they forgot about their problems and suddenly felt better. but this was way bigger than something that a few goofy youtube videos could fix.

somehow, he hadn't even expected to see nini when he stopped by her house. he thought she would have already gone to sleep, and that he would just crash on the couch, leave bright and early the next morning, and nini would never know he was there.

but then, he saw her - and it's like the tides broke.

he couldn't help but open up to her, the sting of tears in his eyes as he talked about uncomfortable this whole situation was.

and she listened to it all, offering words of advice and comfort. she was really like his shoulder to cry on, even if never quite laid his head on her shoulder and cried it all out.

**_this feeling's like no other_ **

**_i want you to know_ **

when they said goodnight, he couldn't help himself. he was in desperate need of comfort, so he kissed her.

well, almost.

but she leaned in too.

she wanted it, too. he's pretty sure.

something just felt right, being around her. though he returned back to his house shortly after his mistake, it didn't quite feel like home. not anymore, at least.

but even with the couch as a makeshift bed and her mom's pride shirt draped over him, ricky felt at home there, with nini. the wall they'd built between them after the breakup had come down, so it seemed. they could just… be. with each other.

and when they hugged, ricky didn't wanna let go. he could spend forever like that, in nini's arms. it felt like home, it felt like…

_ love. _

that word, that word he couldn't say, the one that ended it all for them. that word sat on the tip of his tongue as they hugged, and almost kiss, and when nini said goodnight.

ricky wanted to say it, but it just felt wrong. he figured he was going crazy, with his parents divorce and all. he didn't quite have control over his feelings anymore.

**_i've never had someone that knows me like you do_ **

**_the way you do_ **

**_i've never had someone as good for me as you_ **

**_no one like you_ **

**_so lonely before i finally found_ **

**_what I've been looking for_ **

as the song came to an end on his phone, ricky let his eyes fall open. they were warm again, and he felt a wetness on his cheeks. 

he'd been crying.

he'd been crying thinking of nini. of how he cared for her, and how she cared for him, and how right it felt to be with her, to hold her.

he didn't wanna get over her. he wanted her back. he'll always want her back.

he wanted to prove that love was still real, that despite what was happening with his parents, people could still fall in love. and that love can last.

like his love for nini.


End file.
